Y E A R T H R E E
Today we celebrate 3 years of marital bliss (or marital chaos depending on the day)!
It’s crazy how quickly times flies - I know that’s cliche to say but it’s true. 3 years ago it was a rainy Morgan Hill morning and I was surprisingly calm despite planning for an outdoor ceremony. I woke up at 5 AM (didn’t need to wake up until 8ish) and felt so much excitement that my stomach hurt and I felt starving (a combination of nerves and anticipation no doubt.) My bridesmaids and I had a slumber party the night before and as I got out of bed, careful not to wake them, I pulled the curtain back slightly, noticed the rain and just felt at peace.
I was excited to get married.
I was excited to put on the dress.
I was excited to call JP my husband.
Three years later and the rest of the day pretty much feels like a blur. It is still the best, most exciting and love filled day and I’m thankful that my marriage started off on such a good foot.
On this day, three years later, I’m excited to share with you three lessons I’ve learned and three moments of joy I’ve experienced in my marriage so far.
We’re in it for the long haul.
This one isn’t so much a lesson learned as it is something that I easily lost focus on, especially in the first year of marriage. Remembering that marriage is forever and that we have our whole life ahead of us to hit the milestones that those around were hitting was a huge growing area for me. I guess the lesson hidden in this thought is that comparison really is the thief of joy. It was (and still can be) so easy for me to look at marriages around me that I perceive as successful and thriving and worry or stress about the differences I notice in my marriage comparatively. No surprise that in these moments of unproductive comparison I’ve felt my worst. Focusing on the todays and the right nows is something that took me a long time to learn but now that I’m here and focused on our timeline, things are easy and make sense
Patience is a virtue.
Y’all! Whew. I feel personally attacked by this one - and I wrote it!
Long story short, being patient pays off greater than losing your patience. And your spouse deserves the patience.
Take breaks when you’re arguing.
JP and I took a communications class before we got married and one thing we took away from that class (actually, probably the only thing we took from the class) was to take breaks and to request breaks when in heated arguments. This has substantially changed the way our arguments have played out and has made a majority of them so much more productive and shorter in length of time than arguments where we don’t initiate breaks. I always thought that the saying “don’t go to bed angry” was a secret to a strong and healthy marriage but I’ve since learned that it’s pretty much… a crock of shit. Taking a break is healthy and sometimes you need a good night’s sleep to come back to a conversation with a better perspective and with different intentions.
Speak to listen not to respond - ground breaking you guys!! (said with a hint of sarcasm.)
Moments of Joy:
There’s actually so much more than 3
Waking up in the middle of the night and reaching over for each other
JP killing spiders for me while I cry in the other room
Coming home from a long and busy day to a home cooked meal and freshly poured glass of wine
Midday calls just to say hello
Tagging each other in funny Instagram memes
Going on cruises and taking purposefully awkward cruise photos
A time when we booked the absolute worst hotel in San Francisco and left from our fire escape to avoid running into other guests (it’s a long story)
If you’re in the process of planning a wedding remember this: your goal is to have a marriage more beautiful than your wedding. If you can focus your energy there, your wedding will no doubt turn out amazing.